Rethinking it all...

I'm pretty depressed. Aside from George, who I was with until Sunday morning, my trip sucked. Both job interviews fell through. He got a call to come into work on Sunday, so I spent the remainder of Sunday & part of Monday in the boonies in cold, damp, depressing weather, all by myself. Not a ton of fun, especially after paying $1500 for the trip...

Now everyone on the forum is blaming me for being irresponsible because George & I didn't show up for my get-together (we were both sick — me with chills/fever, he with a migraine). How could I possibly have contacted them when I had no wireless internet connection & only 2 phone #s (neither of which were answered)? No way to contact anyone...

Tommy called tonight, but didn't leave a message. George hasn't called since Monday afternoon, & I'm now seriously rethinking this whole NOLA thing now. No job, nowhere to live, no boyfriend...

Then I had a couple of really nasty PMs from someone on the forum I don't even know — saying I was running around in a slutty nightgown in front of a bunch of strangers & made a complete fool out of myself, that George will never see me again because I'm an alchie & drug addict. Of course none of this is true & I have no idea who this person is or how they would have gotten any information about me since they only joined the forum yesterday! I forwarded those PMs to the administrator, & the nasty person is now forbidden from contacting me or making any further comments about me or they'll be banned from the forum. This event has left me devastated...

Life sux...

Choices, & the courage to make them...

Dear Jennifer,
Here is your couple's love horoscope for Friday, February 17:
It's time to take a stand and make some firm decisions. If you keep waffling, the situation will either stay the same, which certainly isn't a viable option, or it will actually get worse. Go ahead and make a choice.

This horoscope could not be closer to the truth, & actually did evolve. Tommy called first thing Friday morning (the 17th, the date of this horoscope) — all sweet & soft-spoken & saying (amongst many other things) for me to call him, that maybe we could go to the get-together Saturday night after all. I didn't pick up my cell, didn't even listen to his message until I was at the airport, & didn't return the call until late that night when I knew he would be asleep as I had no desire to talk to him personally. So I phoned him from the loo of a French Quarter bar at 1AM, saying I doubt he remembers the harsh, cruel words he laid on me last night, but that I do not wish to see or speak to him since I am very hurt & angry - that when/if I am able to put these feelings aside we can perhaps communicate then, not before. I made my choice & at least got the last word in...

Back to earlier in the day, I missed my flight &, adding insult to injury, had to pay an additional $500 to fly first class on a flight two hours later. That or nothing. So I bit the bullet, got on the 1:59, & arrived in Nawlins around 7. Got my rental car, drove into the city to hook up with George & a couple of his friends in for the weekend from Arkansas. He held my hand all night & made me laugh constantly, told me I was so much more than he'd expected, & that Tommy is certifiable for treating someone so wonderful so badly. He also carried me around most of the night since I was in such pain with my hip I could barely walk. Tommy would do all (or even any) of that for me? Doubtful...

Mardi Gras was in full swing & the streets, bars & restaurants were packed with revelers. We all (George, me & his friends Rich & Darlene) got right into the swing of things — ended up at this wild country bar where 20-somethings were stripping while riding the mechanical bull — one even stripping down to nothing at all!!! Since I couldn't dance, George & I danced in our seats & had a blast nonetheless. We ended up spending the night at Rich & Darlene's B&B since we couldn't have driven around the block, never mind to Folsom.

He held me all night, so careful not to hurt my hip, & told me how beautiful I was when we woke up, said he could become attached to me in a heartbeat. This guy is one hell of a treasure! Only problem is, we both are carrying around so much emotional baggage I doubt we have a real chance to make it work between us: his ex, who is about to take him to the cleaners, & Tommy, who continues to torment me...

Only time will tell...