I don't remember...

the last time I've been really happy. Well, actually, I do—it was September 6th, when Tommy last called me 'sweetheart.' Been depressed ever since.

Breaking my hip on 11/30 didn't help. Having the prosthesis pop out on 12/16 & having to have it realigned didn't help either. Having it pop out again on 1/10 was kinda the end of the line. Had to have surgery again & have been recuperating these past two weeks. My medical bills are through the roof & I don't have insurance. Am trying to get Medicaid but don't know if I can because I am gainfully employed (insurance just hasn't kicked in yet). I've been in the hospital approximately 3 weeks out of the past 6. I told Tommy I was in the hospital with a broken hip & all he said was that when I was healed he would take me someplace wonderful (he didn't know about the second time). No card, no flowers, no calls. Nothing...

But we did talk for quite a while last night—he was sweet & gentle & shocked about my second hip surgery. I told him I was coming out on 2/17 (biz, not a lie, but not quite the truth, either). A job that may or may not be, but more as an excuse to see him...reminded him of his promise to get together when my hip heals & asked if he would be available. "I might be," the fucker replies. What he means, God knows. What I have to do now is nail him down with a solid promise. After all...it's a nearly a month away & he has all the time in the world to consolidate plans that will include me...