Blame it on the full moon...& a few martinis...

Haven't had much to write about lately. Lots of work & stress, lots of nothing with my honey. Until Friday night. Blame it on the full moon, but we were having this incredible talk (while watching his former team lose the USA Conference Championship) when we decided that I should drive out to Louisiana. Immediately. Make a 12-hour drive, just like that! Since I'd had a couple of dirty martinis I told him I'd come out in the morning, but when I woke up I had chills, headache & a fever. Flu.

Needless to say, I didn't go — am still sitting right here. Still suffering from flu symptoms. But he called last night & it seems we are now committed to moving this thing forward — are going to think about where to go & talk in a few days — get together here, there, or someplace totally different — by the end of the year.

During our talk I also realized what I'd feared all along is indeed the case: he just doesn't let anyone 'in' — has lots of buddies but no best friends, no one he talks to & confides in. He has become an island (remember the old Simon & Garfunkle lyrics "...& a rock feels no pain, & an island never cries"?) — shuts everything out to avoid the pain of being human. But in so doing he's also locking out happiness. Guess I should be overjoyed that he has let me in as far as he has, but it also the reason he goes back inside himself when he finds himself getting too close, too committed. But we're almost there, his barriers are close to coming down, & once we're together there'll be no denying, no going back. I just have to be very, very cool in the interim...