Done deal...

My trip to Nawlins, that is. I have my plane & shuttle reservations, as well as reservations in a romantic boutique hotel. Our first encounter, many years ago, was in the lounge of the hotel Tommy was staying at during pre-season training camp, so this time around I am recreating that same magic—meeting in the dimly lit lounge of our hotel—5:30PM on the 15th...now only a mere 19 days away...& probably 15 more trips to the gym.

What will happen is anyone's guess, though I suspect we will have a few martinis to loosen up, fall into each other's arms, & head upstairs. Fuck & talk all night. Once we consumate our new liaison, get the sexual tension out of the way, we'll have a whole new comfort level. We have so much to catch up on, even though we've spent dozens of hours on the phone in the past 7-1/2 weeks. I pray he'll still love me like he used to...because if he asked me to marry him, I'd do so in less than a heartbeat. Last night we even discussed a golf trip to Vermont—he's never been there, & some of its courses are amongst the most thrilling & challenging I've ever played.

I'm beyond terrified—this is such a huge, expensive gamble—but one I must absolutely take.

Blessings...another love letter to Tommy...

Dear Jennifer—
Here is your horoscope for Sunday, August 21:
If you've hit an impasse, don't assume that things are over. Sometimes when things seem like a dead end, there's only one direction to move—and that's up. Your luck is about to turn.

Just want to say how much I've missed our phone calls recently—I love talking with you, love just hearing your voice!

Before I come visit, I want to clarify the things I said about love (& stuff) that seem to have made you so uneasy. Love comes in many forms, as you know. I didn't say I was in love with you but, rather, that I love you. Big difference. One can't be in love with someone they haven't seen in half a lifetime, but can still love them. I don't think we would be in contact, or have said all of the things we've both said, or that you would have put up with any (never mind all) of my recent bullshit if we didn't love each other, or never had...

You seem somehow convinced I won't like you any more, & are probably also afraid you won't like me, as well. For my part, anyway, it was the person I fell in love with so long ago: not the pro football player, or the drop-dead-gorgeous guy, or the mind-blowing sex we had. It was that thing—described by some as a soul encounter—that brought us together like a bolt of lightning and kept us in each other's hearts throughout the years. You're still the same person—just older. But, so am I...

The last memory I have of you is walking away from me, for what I thought was forever...don't think I've ever cried so hard, and for so long, except recently. And however things turn out for us, I hope we will always be able to remain close. Please know you can count on me to be there for you, no matter what. I always have been...just wasn't able to be because of our circumstances. You've always had a special place in my heart, even though you were not always a conscious thought.

Please forgive me if I cry when we meet. They will be tears of joy—& relief—just to be able to look into your eyes again.