The end, maybe...

I just talked with Tommy. He was dead drunk & said some very harsh, cruel things, such as he doesn't want or need me, that I should just 'go away.' I think it was mostly drink speaking — he's never spoken to me with such harshness in his voice, & there hasn't been enough time for it all to sink in. But obviously we're through, or at least it sure looks that way... The love of his life? The one with whom he would, under different circumstances, have lived an extraordinary life? Fuck him. His loss. But it still hurts like hell... Now it's my turn to have a few drinks — hopefully be able to get some sleep. Sleep cures much, if one can manage to erase the anger & anxiety...

Things have changed...

Yes, I am still going to Nawlins, but things have changed. The person I was going to stay with had to leave for Arkansas tonite as his brother was in a ferocious motorcycle accident & is clinging to life (going 120mph & 'lost it'). But I do have another place to stay — with a guy I met on my LA Today forum who I've spent many hours pm'ing & talking on the phone. He's sensitive, intuitive, romantic, thoughtful, hurt. Just like me. Tommy has not responded to any of my messages, but I sent him an invitation to my party Saturday nite. With my luck, they'll both show up at the party, will go at it, & I'll be fucked. Might do Tommy good, knowing he has serious competition, but will kill me because I have to stay with Geoerge rather than going home with Tommy. I'm committed at this point, can't just dump George like that. What's wrong with this picture?!? Tommy, & his indecision, stubborness...