This is a scary process...

actually going out to Nawlins, that is, & the possibility of getting this incredible job & moving there. I'm scared to death, especially in the face of everything Tommy & I have been through since Katrina hit & that we are now totally estranged. I'd be living and working right on top of him, for fuck's sake. I dread running into him, yet at the same time am dying to—shrinks call it the 'approach-avoidance' syndrome, I believe. Whatever it's called, I've got it big time...

Sometimes I feel very calm, at others panicked—like right now. I'm filled with anxiety, fear, dread...perhaps because I didn't get much sleep as a friend called late last night & we talked until nearly 1AM. Then I couldn't get to sleep. Feel like I've been through the wringer.

Maybe I'll feel better about everything when I get there—will be too busy to focus on my emotions. Wish I was getting on the plane right now...