Emotional healing...

Yes, the month from hell is over but so too, apparently, is my relationship. He is not calling me, nor accepting my calls. Guess I pushed him just a little too far on top of everything he went through in September with the hurricanes...never mind pushing him entirely around the bend Friday night. I was needy—needed him, & he needed to deal with getting his life pulled back together. I should have been more sensitive to his needs. But on the other hand, he could have also communicated them to me... Had I understood, I would have backed off & none of this would have happened. I'm not a mind-reader. Thus, we're both to blame, in a way... Pretty damn sad...

He's been terribly angry the last few times we talked. Never raised his voice to me before, ever, save for the time I was out in SoCal with Dennis in early August. After spending an emotionally wrenching weekend, I think I've accepted that I have zero control in this situation—it is all up to him, whether or not he can forgive & forget. He may come back, or he may not...only time will tell. He needs to heal as well. But even if he does forgive, I don't know how things could ever be the same between us again...

Since realizing I no longer have any control whatsoever, my anxiety has abated tremendously—a monumental relief. But I miss him so much—miss just hearing his voice. That I may never see him again is another story altogether—way too painful to even attempt to wrap my brain around, never mind my heart...

How could I have so thoroughly sabotaged this tender, gentle, loving relationship—alienate this man I would have killed for—through my own neediness & not even realize what I was doing?

Hey, I just thought of something. Doesn't someone usually tell their partner when they're breaking it off? Tommy never even mentioned those words...as far as I can remember, anyway...